With Abandon

Buzzing with excitement from the epiphany that came during yesterday’s painting I sat down to share what I had learned.

Journeys of self-discovery seldom fascinate other people, but I keep sharing in hopes that what I’ve learned might be the light-bulb moment for another, and the full savorment of life can begin.

The painting you see above is an assignment in a 10 week course, “Find Your Joy” and this is my second year taking it. I had resistance to this assignment both times, as it is to paint your feelings, in black and white.

This exercise surprised me by revealing that although I have known myself to tend toward people pleasing, I was not aware that actually, it is more that I try to avoid displeasing people at all costs. It is a subtle but insidious difference. The effect is hyper-vigilance toward others, paralyzing fear and in-authenticity. These all describe the opposite of qualities I wish to embody; self-awareness, courage and authenticity.

I am changing, these patterns are shifting as I understand with more clarity who I am and who I am becoming.

I love the words that came into my mind, then into the painting, and into my life so that I can live WITH ABANDON, defined as having let go of restrictions or inhibitions.

Having written that, I began to change my mind about posting this, as I realize that there is a lot I’m observing right now that fits that description that I disagree with, meaning I am observing a tear the in fabric of social order, and people are cruel to each other without fear or regard for the consequences.

Then this morning, my attention was directed to a book I have by William Martin, “The Sage’s Tao Te Ching”, and the words leapt from the page, illustrating exactly what I feel I am learning and intending to live…

I hope you will join me in cracking yourself open and living with abandon.