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Afraid to Fail

Afraid to Fail – Dark Horse

“Dark Horse” started off with such freedom and ease. I actually filmed the beginning for a YouTube video on using Golden Fluid Acrylics. I really loved the way the piece looked after stage one, and I enjoyed the process.

“In Process 1”

Part of me now wishes that I had added scribble or two and called it here…but I did not think it was “enough”.

I went back for Round 2 and at the end of that I had something “more” but I liked it less…

“In Process 2”

From here, things got a bit dramatic as I added and subtracted color and form, applied more layers, scraped, squinted, fussed and fumed, all the while trying to get it done “enough”.

I showed it to a friend and spoke a bit of my “process”.

Her response? You’re afraid to finish…

Wait…what?

My mind quickly disagreed, assuring me that she was wrong, I certainly am not afraid to finish, I relish a successful, satisfying completion! I asked for clarification.

She said, “While you are in process, working, it is yours, but once you finish, you will reveal it to the world and the potential exists for you to experience a negative reaction, judgement or rejection.”

In short, I am afraid to fail.

It makes so much sense now…before it is complete, I can say, “Well, this is just the beginning, just an underpainting, it’s going to be so much grander when I finish!”

Then my scrutiny and second guessing commence, squashing the freedom and joy first experienced in the beginning stages.

As with all things, this awareness brings new possibilities. Now that the shadowy, shy “Afraid to Fail” Vikki has made herself known, I can remind her, “Hey, we paint for US! Painting is an expression of creative energy. It doesn’t need to be explained or justified, and especially not buffed to an even sheen before presented to the public.”

Am I ready to paint solely for my own approval?

“Dark Horse” indicates some progress toward this goal.

I was comfortable leaving more undefined. The spiral at the neck of the horse with the green glow behind it is my way of expressing healing…of healing expression. I look forward to more exploration of painting with freedom and playfulness, releasing the need for anyone else’s stamp of approval.

Wikipedia defines a dark horse as a previously less known person or thing that emerges to prominence in a situation. I look forward to learning more about this fiercely independent and daring creator.

To view the video on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9z3Mf_HGAo

To join my mailing list tiny.cc/paintbyheart3

Filed under: Authenticity, creating, Fun and Free, Healing Art, Shadow Work

About the Author

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Current -"If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration", said Nikola Tesla. I am exploring this and employing it at the same time through art (painting with color frequency) and sound healing (I'm a certified Biofield Tuner). Combining the elements of sound and color have dramatically shifted life for the better, even during 2020. Past - Born in the desert, grew up painting even through education and career. Quit to pursue painting full time 30 years ago. Got married and divorced, single parented two boys and now delight in my grandbabies. Future - refining the frequency practices, innovating and creating, living more fully, sharing what I've learned to empower you in doing the same! " When the tide rises, it lifts all boats" John F. Kennedy

4 Comments

  1. Millie

    Love This!!! For me it’s getting started…but the chance of failure is always in the back of my mind. Love that you share your mental process as well as the physical. Loved the video!

    • Millie, thank you! Cheers to taking chances! I just saw a promo for a bread making course,in which the woman said, “Do not be discouraged by failed attempts, that’s what your journey is about!”

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