“Dark Horse” started off with such freedom and ease. I actually filmed the beginning for a YouTube video on using Golden Fluid Acrylics. I really loved the way the piece looked after stage one, and I enjoyed the process.
Part of me now wishes that I had added scribble or two and called it here…but I did not think it was “enough”.
I went back for Round 2 and at the end of that I had something “more” but I liked it less…
From here, things got a bit dramatic as I added and subtracted color and form, applied more layers, scraped, squinted, fussed and fumed, all the while trying to get it done “enough”.
I showed it to a friend and spoke a bit of my “process”.
Her response? You’re afraid to finish…
My mind quickly disagreed, assuring me that she was wrong, I certainly am not afraid to finish, I relish a successful, satisfying completion! I asked for clarification.
She said, “While you are in process, working, it is yours, but once you finish, you will reveal it to the world and the potential exists for you to experience a negative reaction, judgement or rejection.”
In short, I am afraid to fail.
It makes so much sense now…before it is complete, I can say, “Well, this is just the beginning, just an underpainting, it’s going to be so much grander when I finish!”
Then my scrutiny and second guessing commence, squashing the freedom and joy first experienced in the beginning stages.
As with all things, this awareness brings new possibilities. Now that the shadowy, shy “Afraid to Fail” Vikki has made herself known, I can remind her, “Hey, we paint for US! Painting is an expression of creative energy. It doesn’t need to be explained or justified, and especially not buffed to an even sheen before presented to the public.”
Am I ready to paint solely for my own approval?
“Dark Horse” indicates some progress toward this goal.
I was comfortable leaving more undefined. The spiral at the neck of the horse with the green glow behind it is my way of expressing healing…of healing expression. I look forward to more exploration of painting with freedom and playfulness, releasing the need for anyone else’s stamp of approval.
Wikipedia defines a dark horse as a previously less known person or thing that emerges to prominence in a situation. I look forward to learning more about this fiercely independent and daring creator.
To view the video on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9z3Mf_HGAo
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