2018 is already the year of revelations for me. Some of these revelations are liberating and exhilarating, some seem earthquake-like in nature, cleaving the earth beneath my feet, leaving me with the most unsettling feelings.
In the past two days I have been called on my stuff (i.e., victim pattern, chameleon-like behavior), by dear and trusted friends, which was exhibiting outside of my clear awareness. I followed up this morning by posting a quote to my Facebook page that was (unintentionally) discriminatory and hurtful. I was shocked at my ignorance. I have some perceptions about myself and limiting patterns that I must embrace and integrate rather than deny and then stumble over.
What I notice in general, is a repetitious theme of death and rebirth. Death of people, patterns, beliefs, life stages, relationships, careers, dreams, desires. Rebirth of babies, new concepts, freedoms, courage, inspiration, hope, different dreams and desires. The deaths are losses and often result in grief and loss of clarity. The rebirth is exciting, but at the same time disorienting, everything is new, unfamiliar, there seems to be no solid ground or clear path forward.
I was in the studio and doing my best to prepare for an upcoming show, a “Heart Pop-up” at Storm Wisdom on February 11th. I have had the base of the painting you see above “Take Heart” for YEARS, and I always loved it, but it didn’t quite feel complete. In a flurry of flying collage papers, suddenly this lovely floral arrangement was in my hands and viola! It was a five minute answer to a ten year old question.
My take-away is that all of the old foundations are in question now, and this, for some (ME!), is very uncomfortable. When the willingness is there, to question and possibly lose, or dramatically compromise the old foundation, a new perspective can suddenly drop in and bring new beauty, peace and harmony to the situation.
Even as I sense myself white-knuckling as it feels as though everything is slipping through my fingers, I hear the calm reassurance, “take heart…what you will have if you let go is so much grander than what you are trying to hold on to.”