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I’m retreating to the relative anonymity of my blog, after guest writing for Charles and the Storm Wisdom blog, last week and again this week.

I felt pretty confident about last week’s post, “More Questions Than Answers” and admit to having some high hopes for affirmation of my spectacular writing skills, more fans for my blog, your pretty basic delusions of grandeur.  Starry-eyed indeed.

The pressure I feel writing this week’s post (for Storm Wisdom) seems extraordinarily high, I have postulated, pondered and pouted.  The post is written, I have edited it twice, the accompanying mandala has been produced and waits for its cue.  What changes the experience so dramatically for me when I imagine the audience is more vast?  Am I less willing to be authentic?  (No)…Vulnerable?  (Maybe)…More worried about judgment and rejection? (Definitely)!

Oh, the vanity!

So last night I’m sitting in class (Computer Graphics 101) and waiting for the instructor to come my way and explain to me why I can’t make Photoshop obey me with the ease and dexterity he demonstrates.  I can’t move forward so I reach for my notebook and begin to doodle.  Oh, the relief when I see something flow forth from my pen, no matter how humble.  The star is prominent, eye shapes surround, and something like a checkerboard top hat shows up, a visual expression of “Starry-Eyed”.  The instructor reaches my station, swiftly resolves my Photoshop dilemma, and the crisis passes.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to express, through doodles and scribbles, through rambling thoughts and heartfelt rants.  I don’t know how I would make it through without these gifts.  I’m thankful to you, my intimate and tolerant audience, for the privilege of authentic, vulnerable, judgment-free disclosure.  Thank you and goodnight.

Filed under: Blogging, Creative Living, Healing Art, rejection, Vulnerability

About the Author

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As a Phoenix native, Vikki Reed's vibrant watercolors of desert botanicals evolved from her love and appreciation of the desert's ability to produce tender beauty in the midst of harsh conditions. The mandala series which began in 2004 resurrects a childhood knowledge that mandalas are a primordial tool for centering and healing. Vikki studied in the 1980s with watercolor greats Irving Shapiro and Paul Kuo, and began exhibiting at the outdoor shows in Arizona, Nevada and New Mexico after Paul's encouragement. This led to gallery representation with the Wickenburg Gallery and Work of Artist's Gallery. Vikki also exhibited at the Celebration of Fine Art for eight years. Before taking sabbatical to act as caregiver for her father in 2010, Vikki was featured in a one woman show at the Northern Trust Bank in January 2008 and was selected to create an ornament for the White House Christmas Tree that same year. Vikki's current focus, the Mandala Series, combines ancient symbolism and the healing power of color.


  1. Thanks Pat! I think I will have basic working knowledge after the class, but not sure I want to pay the required subscription price of $20.00 a month to lease the Photoshop software…and don’t sell yourself short, you are an artist with flora and film!

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