This has been a big week for me. I started school and finished the “Guidance Mandala”. Both of these occurrences may seem commonplace, but they represent rather notable milestones for me.
My college career will start slowly, with two courses, one sorely needed at this time, a stress management course titled, “The Mindful Art of Self Compassion”. Already it is apparent to me the wounds inflicted by my harsh self judgment, as was pointed out in class, many of us speak to ourselves in a cruel tone that we would never use toward another. I look forward to adding self compassion to my life management tool box.
After several months of analysis paralysis, I continued the “Guidance Mandala” in the only way that made sense to me, after so many other design options failed to satisfy. The compass is a complete departure for me and this mandala looks different to me than all previous creations. I am not comfortable with it visually, but it makes complete sense to me in other ways. The very center features the lotus, a symbol of awakening and peace. It represents stillness, the spirit, soul consciousness, as I have mentioned before, “be still and know”. The bees are representative of the mind, always busy, building, connecting, creating, surviving. The compass is very solid, the physical body component, the real world, reality, direction as received from the world that surrounds us. Body, mind and spirit, all three necessary for the current life experience.
This mandala journey has been deeply challenging and equally as rewarding. I came to the conclusion that after being on life support the last few years, I should let my business/art career die a natural death. I feel great relief, mixed with deep sadness, as well as excitement and curiosity about what the future will bring. I started back to school in part to learn about who I am becoming (although there are plenty of other ways that is happening!)
As Joseph Campbell wrote, “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”