I went on a blind date a few weeks ago, first one in thirty-five years or so, and the results were mixed. I met a very nice man, had a good meal and enjoyed some authentic conversation. As the evening progressed, it seemed we had a great deal in common, the recent loss of parents due to dementia, the recent loss of long-time beloved pets, heartbreak due to relationships ending and the multiple challenges of rapidly shifting life situations. As more was shared, I found myself wondering…”what am I doing trying to date someone?” I still feel too broken and shattered.
How can this be so? My life has not been so tragic, certainly I am not facing the losses that many do right now, my heart aches for all those who have lost or are in danger of losing their homes and their loved ones to the infernos raging across the west.
My divorce in 2000 seemed civil enough, my ex-husband went on to marry and has been so successfully for fifteen years now. I thought surely I would find another to compliment and share my life. In 2007 I was told during a healing session, “your heart is closed”. I was in utter disbelief, and the “Open Heart Mandala” was created as a result…
Here it is 2015, and as I review the game tapes of the blind date, I feel that my heart must still be in hiding. It is not unnatural, after multiple shipwrecks on Relationship Island, I hadn’t realized how reluctant I am to try again.
The “Hearts in Hiding” mandala helped me process and clarify my feelings. I hope it will provide help and comfort to all who are grounded due to FOG, (Fear, Overwhelm and Grief).