It has been six months since the concept of the “Guidance Mandala” was born, and three months since it began to take shape on paper. There are copious journal entries and no less than fourteen small mandalas have been completed, including “So…What Now?”, expressing my frustration with not being able to move forward, but the “Guidance Mandala” remains unfinished and I find it difficult to express how troubling this is.
Reminded by wise counsel, “Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for the answers to come to you..” (Eckhart Tolle), I temporarily make peace with the situation, but then quickly return to the discomfort of not knowing my direction, and the urgent need for the next logical steps to be made known to me. This is, of course, not just applicable to the mandala, but life in general. Life as it was has dissolved and a new life is waiting for me to step forward, the trouble is, I keep waiting for direction that does not seem to come. The mandala is simply a constant, visible reminder that I don’t know what to do.
Another wise sage, (Charles McAlpine, Storm Wisdom) suggested to me that I, like he, may be a mapmaker, assigned to the task of charting new courses, and so, not knowing where to go is natural and quite fitting. I had another moment of relief before realizing that I don’t want the assignment of mapmaker, I feel a great deal more comfortable knowing where I am going and feel terrified when I judge myself to be “lost”. Ironically, at a meditation a few weeks ago, I randomly drew this card from a deck, adding credibility to Charles’s postulation.
The little mandala, “So…What Now?”, gives visual expression to my angst. It starts in the center with question marks, and the conflict is evident in both the angles/curves and the complementary color palette. Everything is equal prominence, there is no clear dominance and this makes the painting visually unsettling. The “SO” is seen on the edge of the piece, challenging the viewer.
This is a “question without answers” post…I like to offer solutions, but currently find myself without them. If you are struggling to find your way right now and feel directionless, at least you know you are not alone.