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Ebb and Flow

These are challenging times.  There are those dealing with life and death issues, fires, financial ruin, the threat of nuclear war, starvation, terrorism, religious persecution. By comparison my issues seem so benign, and yet they (my issues) are quite persistent in capturing my attention.

I have spoken of the many losses and changes I have faced in the last few years,and don’t feel the need to continue banging that drum, if you’re curious, just review some earlier posts.  What interests me is the expectation I had that the one year grieving mark would provide relief and the resulting devastation that this did not prove to be the case.

In addition, there is blistering self judgment about not finding my way more satisfactorily and paralyzing self-doubt as I continue to stumble without clear direction.  There is white knuckle panic as I watch my income streams dry up and blow away without new avenues revealing themselves.  All my affirmations and positive thoughts have failed to yield results.


How fortunate that my sister should think to tell me of the Canadian Geese, who are, for 8-10 weeks a year, (mid-June to August), molting, which is to say they shed their outer wing feathers and grow new, and during this time, they are…flightless.

I was told that during the year following a major loss, one should “take it easy”.  I am not inclined in that direction, and find solace in what I can accomplish, see completed, achieve.  I don’t see any results when I rest, therefore, it is deemed an unworthy activity.  I have completely resisted the fallow, or flightless season, not even considering it could be a time when I might need to rest and grow new wings.  It is perfectly natural for the geese, I’m sure they don’t beat their chests and complain about the temporary grounding.

 Ebb and Flow - web

I am grateful for the continued support of the mandalas, even during my fallow season.  “Ebb and Flow” begins with the X in the center, which marks my frustration at not being able to move forward as I would like.  Six ribbons flow gracefully, and underneath, braids of effort and waves of change.  The waves also resemble a circular saw blade which implies my discomfort.

I am feeling more accepting now of this flightless season, I will rest while I grow new feathers, and look forward to the exhilaration of feeling the wind beneath my wings once again, come August(?)

Filed under: Ebb and Flow, Healing Art, Loss, Mandalas

About the Author

Posted by

As a Phoenix native, Vikki Reed's vibrant watercolors of desert botanicals evolved from her love and appreciation of the desert's ability to produce tender beauty in the midst of harsh conditions. The mandala series which began in 2004 resurrects a childhood knowledge that mandalas are a primordial tool for centering and healing. Vikki studied in the 1980s with watercolor greats Irving Shapiro and Paul Kuo, and began exhibiting at the outdoor shows in Arizona, Nevada and New Mexico after Paul's encouragement. This led to gallery representation with the Wickenburg Gallery and Work of Artist's Gallery. Vikki also exhibited at the Celebration of Fine Art for eight years. Before taking sabbatical to act as caregiver for her father in 2010, Vikki was featured in a one woman show at the Northern Trust Bank in January 2008 and was selected to create an ornament for the White House Christmas Tree that same year. Vikki's current focus, the Mandala Series, combines ancient symbolism and the healing power of color.


  1. First of all thanks a lot for coming back to the blogsphere because since last so many day’s your absence was felt in blogspehere.
    This is indeed very uplifting and inspirational post and yes, no matter, whatever, goes in our life we should not lose the hope and faith, because,ultimately, anything in life is subject of changes, so, let us hope for the best.
    Whenever, you have spare time feel free to visit my blog.
    Wishing you all the best…………………

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