These are challenging times. There are those dealing with life and death issues, fires, financial ruin, the threat of nuclear war, starvation, terrorism, religious persecution. By comparison my issues seem so benign, and yet they (my issues) are quite persistent in capturing my attention.
I have spoken of the many losses and changes I have faced in the last few years,and don’t feel the need to continue banging that drum, if you’re curious, just review some earlier posts. What interests me is the expectation I had that the one year grieving mark would provide relief and the resulting devastation that this did not prove to be the case.
In addition, there is blistering self judgment about not finding my way more satisfactorily and paralyzing self-doubt as I continue to stumble without clear direction. There is white knuckle panic as I watch my income streams dry up and blow away without new avenues revealing themselves. All my affirmations and positive thoughts have failed to yield results.
How fortunate that my sister should think to tell me of the Canadian Geese, who are, for 8-10 weeks a year, (mid-June to August), molting, which is to say they shed their outer wing feathers and grow new, and during this time, they are…flightless.
I was told that during the year following a major loss, one should “take it easy”. I am not inclined in that direction, and find solace in what I can accomplish, see completed, achieve. I don’t see any results when I rest, therefore, it is deemed an unworthy activity. I have completely resisted the fallow, or flightless season, not even considering it could be a time when I might need to rest and grow new wings. It is perfectly natural for the geese, I’m sure they don’t beat their chests and complain about the temporary grounding.
I am grateful for the continued support of the mandalas, even during my fallow season. “Ebb and Flow” begins with the X in the center, which marks my frustration at not being able to move forward as I would like. Six ribbons flow gracefully, and underneath, braids of effort and waves of change. The waves also resemble a circular saw blade which implies my discomfort.
I am feeling more accepting now of this flightless season, I will rest while I grow new feathers, and look forward to the exhilaration of feeling the wind beneath my wings once again, come August(?)