The mandala muse has spoken, the new piece shall be…”Free Spirit Mandala”. As usual, the concepts rolled around for awhile, I first thought “Breaking Free” and then “Finding Freedom”, but it was actually after reading a post from mselenalevontraveling.com that I heard “free spirit”!
This concept is completely foreign to me, I have been over-responsible since I was a child. Miss Lena’s life and mine contrast like eggs benedict and plain (cold, leftover) oatmeal. The last four years have been even more responsibility-filled as I managed my father’s care through dementia and took over his many business pursuits. Still, the die was cast at a young age and I barely noticed the yoke being placed upon my shoulders. I have a condition which I have recently diagnosed as “PlayDD” or Play Deficit Disorder.
People say to me, “relax!”, “just take it easy”, “chill”, “go do something fun”…and I know and feel the wisdom of their advice, but how to implement is another matter. I have lived my life according to my “to-do list”, not my heart’s yearning. To know the “Free Spirit Mandala” is coming forth is an overdue, exciting, wonderful, yet at the same time unsettling and mystifying prospect. I feel ready, yet the images and/or symbols are not revealing themselves to me as yet.
It seemed unthinkable to me to write a post without an accompanying image, yet that is most authentically where I am right now. I am very impatient to “see” and “feel” this mandala taking physical form. I felt I had seen the center of the piece when my cousin Mark posted a photo from his sailboat, featuring his lovely wife Vicki relaxing while savoring a magnificent sunset. Mark and Vicki sail to the most spectacular places on earth, lapping up every bit of enjoyment available, like thirsty kittens, embodying free spirits. My attempts so far to render that image are, um, inadequate…(to be polite).
I write this in hopes that once the words have been expressed, my mind can settle and the images will come forth. But what if they don’t? Right now I have all the self-confidence of a trapeze artist with poor depth perception. Fortunately, I have journeyed with the mandalas long enough to know that they have their own wisdom and direction. My only assignment is to show up, pay attention, paint what feels true and let go of the outcome.